Neverland is real…

At what age is a McDonald’s junkie supposed to ditch the Happy Meals and start ordering Southwest Chicken Salads, Filet-O-Fish, or the ever preferred Big Mac. I was unaware that this age was specified in some ohh so godly book of fast food, yet today I found myself being ridiculed for my 4 piece nugget meal with light up Avatar figurine. Just because I am an adult doesn’t mean that this deliciously small feast loses its “Happy.” Maybe all you overweight slobs don’t live in the same Peter Pan Neverland I call Chicago, or it could be that you are jealous that when I consume half my daily calories in one sitting I maintain the self-discipline to jog around the block a couple times. Next time keep your gawks and giggles to yourself, and gobble up your steamy McRib in silence. As for me, bring on the Happy Meals, bring on the fun.

Once a douche always a douche...

Joe Francis is none too happy about the high douchey status that Gawker awarded him last week. I personally was under the impression that sending uncouth email messages scooted people right to the top of the D-bag list, but apparently Joey didn’t get that memo. Read away y'all: Joe Fancis: Sore Douche

What a Douche-Lord…

Joe Francis, America’s iconic Girls Gone Wild playboy, was officially named “Douche of the Decade” by the ever reliable Gawker.com. Among the running were equally despicable Tucker Max, Dov Charney, and Arthur Kade, known, respectively, for their horrendous dating perils, workplace noncompliance, and fame seeking trials. To all the total douche-lords out there, better luck next ye…Decade.

When daddy let me drive…

Country music holds the ability to express any genuine emotion that an individual may feel throughout life. In my mind this beautiful attribute of old honky-tonk tunes swells during holiday season. Below are some lyric quotes that would give any country fan a warm heart throughout the cold winter. Enjoy.


“A young girl two hands on the wheel, I can't replace the way it made me feel. And he'd say, turn it left, and steer it right. Straighten up girl now, you're doing just fine. Just a little valley by the river where we'd ride, but I was high on a mountain when Daddy let me drive.”

“If I am truly crazy, don't you know I like my life that way, and if I'm really going on out of my mind won't you hop on board and make your getaway.”

“Yeah, everybody gotta get away sometime. Forget about yourself for awhile. Lay your whole life upon a shelf,… I'm okay, I'm alright, carry on.”

“There might be a little dust on the bottle, but don't let it fool ya about what's inside. There might be a little dust on the bottle, It’s one of those things that gets sweeter with time.”

“God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.”

“You know a dream is like a river, ever changin' as it flows. And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes. Trying to learn from what's behind you, and never knowing what's in store, makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores.”

I kinda miss JockJams...

"You must be out of your mind, Jellyhead, you've really blown it."

Jellyhead, Tootsie Roll, Pump Up the Jam, etc. What happened to these uber-fab songs playing on the radio? I am going to get my friends to continuously request these “Jock Jam” classics at Chicago land bars, and see how much air time we can generate. So go out and start requesting people. Let’s bring back the true hits!

Memorize, forget, and repeat...

"I feel like college has been a merry-go-round of memorizing, forgetting, and then memorizing again. I mean, with a few toga parties in between of course."

Google searcher beware!...

“I just googled “haha” and got a picture of a vagina face!”

REALLY? There are some sick people in this world. While, deep into an e-mail conversation with my best friends, I needed a funny picture to send. Due to sleep deprivation and a lack of anything more descriptive, I decided to Google “haha”. The 7th image that showed up in the search results was a poor girl with a vagina photoshopped into the middle of her face. Who does that? When in your life do you become so useless that the only option is to spend your time photoshopping vaginas onto an innocent women’s face?!? Uhhhgggg I have lost hope.

99.99% of what happens is not on the news...

"Plus, she said it was on some unreliable source, like it wasn't E!Online or anything."

While discussing the possibility of a blossoming relationship between Lindsay Lohan and John Mayer this morning, I was informed of another LiLo prospect, Cash Warren. Unwilling to believe my ears I quickly asked my roommate where she hear the nonsense. She sent me a link to Us Weekly. Pish Posh, Us Weekly? Us Weekly cannot compare to the street creed of gossip sites like E!Online, Popsugar, or even People.

Fabulous, just fabulous...

"Suri Cruise doesn't wear high heels. They are ballroom dancing shoes, duhh."

Buddy the Elf. What’s Your Favorite Color?...

“It should be mandatory for all Americans, regardless of faith, to watch “Elf” at least once a year!”