You a rude boy...

Dear Rihanna,

I desperately hope you do not write you own lyrics. If you do, there may be a reasonable explanation for the physical actions taken by a certain ex-boyfriend of yours. :cough: Chris Brown :cough:

Sincerely,
Sardine


As you all know, Chris Brown was arrested last year for brutally assaulting his famous, now ex-girlfriend Rihanna. I have recently come to the realization that although there is no excuse for domestic violence, this particular island beauty may have brought it on herself. Rihannah’s newest song, entitled Rude Boy, albeit catchy, seems to provide insight into Mr. Chris Brown’s anger management issues. The lyrics might as well be quotes out of a “Dominatrix for Dummies” booklet or “A Women’s guide to Acting Manly.” Get is straight RiRi, you are a beautiful and feminine individual. What happened to “Pon de Replay” or “So live your life, ay oh ayy oh ayy oh?”

In case you haven’t heard the newest addition to the Def Jam repertoire, I am prepared to provide you with some lyrical examples from this Rude Boy creation. Take this line, “Do you like it boy… I wa-wa-want, what you wa-wa-want. Give it to me baby. Like boom, boom, boom…” This seems like a demand straight out of a Peter North/Ron Jeremy “film.” Come on people, did we learn nothing from the Eminem lawsuits? Yes, the universe is going to take your lyrics literal! Another example of unwanted lyrics, and a personal favorite, “Babe, if I don't feel it I ain't faking. No, no…,” is in reality quite horrible to say to a man. In my experience of ehhh 3 years give or take, men do not take the issue of inadequacy very easily. If his tricks and treats aren’t doing anything for you FAKE IT, or at least boost his confidence with a few overarching moans.

Now hear me out. I do not mean to rag on the pop power Rihanna holds, but maybe Def Jam should think about the consequences of their lyric choice before they present them to an assault victim. I mean… really now.